I recently bought a shiny new travel mug. As I was reading the instructions (because yes, I’m the kind of girl who reads mug instructions), I noticed the manufacturer recommended something that at first sounded odd.
Most people are likely aware that if you want to secure something that twists on like a screw, you turn it in a clockwise motion. All screws work like this – righty-tighty, lefty-loosey, as I was taught as a kid.
What was unexpected about the mug instructions was that they said, when tightening the cap, first turn the cap counter-clockwise, and then turn the cap in a clockwise direction to tighten it. The reason for starting off in the wrong direction is so that you can align the cap with the threads before tightening it. If you place the cap on top of the mug and start tightening right away, you run the risk of getting it cross-threaded, which can result in an improper seal and make the cap difficult to remove. But by turning the cap in a counter-clockwise motion first, you align the threads, thereby ensuring a smooth and proper fit.
I realized that this principle of starting off in the “wrong” direction can also be true of life.
Have you ever felt like life is going in the opposite direction of where it was supposed to be going? I have.
Growing up, all I ever wanted was to be married and have kids. Going to university was going to be nice, and living with my best friend for a year was going to be great. But I HAD to have a family. It was the only thing that really mattered to me.
The trouble was, it wasn’t happening according to my subconscious timetable. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. At the end of university, I dated a guy that the Lord had expressly told me not to date. God warned me that this guy wasn’t for me, but I didn’t care. I was so frustrated and sick of waiting that I decided if I couldn’t have true love, at least I could have fun.
For three years, I was deliberately disobedient to God by continuing to date this fellow. But through massive amounts of God’s grace, patience, and Him sticking with me, I finally worked up the courage to break up with my boyfriend, because I hated the distance I felt it put between me and God. As soon as I ended the relationship, I felt that all was right again between me and God. Now that I was finally single and obedient, I thought I was ready to meet my future husband. I was now ready for my life to go in the “right” direction!
Only it didn’t.
Not only did I not meet Mr. Right, but I scarcely had a single date over the next several years. My life seemed to be going in the exact opposite direction it was supposed to.
For a long time, I struggled with all kinds of wrong thinking about why I hadn’t found a husband yet. Through much prayer and a helpful booked called “Victory in the Wilderness” by John Bevere, I finally realized that God wasn’t punishing me for dating the wrong guy (because God had forgiven me, and while He disciplines his children, He doesn’t punish), and He wasn’t trying to make me “perfect” for my future husband.
For me, my freedom came when I was willing to lay down my desire to have a husband and kids. It was beyond painful to admit that they had become idols to me. Wanting a family is not wrong, but I realized I wanted them more than I wanted God. So I made the excruciating decision to lay my idol down.
It was the hardest thing I had ever done – giving up the thing that meant the most to me, and mentally laying it on an altar before God. I tearfully told God, “I don’t want to pine after something that you don’t want for me. I don’t want to strive to get married only to wind up in a bad marriage. But the idea of not having a family kills me. I can’t say I want to be single. But I want to want what you have for me. Please give me a desire for whatever your best is for me, and take away the desire for anything you don’t want for me. Because if I truly want to have whatever you want to give me, I know it will be good and I won’t feel like I’m lacking anything.”
After I was honestly able to give my future over to God and trust that I would be OK with whatever plan God had for me, I experienced a peace I had never felt before. It was like my heart knew, on a profound level, that I actually was going to be OK with whatever God chose for me. And I felt free.
It was when my heart and will were finally aligned with His that He was able to move me forward. It turned out, His plan was the one I hoped for after all, and about a year later when I started seeking the Lord and focusing on Him, I met my husband. But I honestly feel that if God had had other plans for me, I would have been content with them too, only because I decided to lay down my will and pick up God’s.
It can be so painful and confusing to feel like you are going in the wrong direction, especially if you were so sure you got your direction from the Lord.
It’s as if God says, “I’m sending you north!” You pack your parka, tell all your friends to expect postcards from someplace cold, and then the next thing you know, you’re on a highway headed due south. Everything about the situation feels wrong and you start to question if you heard Him right or took a wrong turn somewhere.
But what if this erroneous route isn’t a mistake? What if this counter-clockwise direction is just God’s way of getting you to align your will with His before you can go ahead in the planned direction?
I think Joseph in the Old Testament knew a thing or two about having life go in the opposite direction first.
In Genesis 37, we read that God showed Joseph through dreams that someday he would be a great leader and even his family would bow down to him. But rather than rising straight to prominence as he may have expected, his jealous brothers sold him into slavery. Once in slavery, he proved himself a worthy and competent servant to his master, only to get falsely accused of a crime and thrown in jail. While locked up, he was forgotten by a fellow inmate who was released, and had to spend two more years in prison, before finally being called upon to interpret Pharaoh’s dream and becoming second in command of all of Egypt.
Joseph’s life seemed to go in completely the wrong direction until it abruptly went in very much the right direction. Why?
From what I can tell, the Bible doesn’t expressly state why Joseph’s life went completely sideways before it went “as planned”.
Perhaps Joseph would have been overtaken with pride if power and authority had been given to him too soon? Or maybe Joseph had to experience suffering in order to cultivate the humility, empathy, and patience needed to turn him into a spectacular leader? Some say he had to learn obedience to God through suffering like Jesus did (Hebrews 5:8).
One thing scripture does tell us, in Joseph’s own words, is that what men meant for evil, God turned to good (Genesis 50:20). It’s also important to note, that both times when life went badly for Joseph (when was bought as a slave and when he was thrown into jail), the Word says that God was with Joseph the whole time and caused him to gain favor with men and gave him success in whatever he did (Genesis 39:2-4, 20-23).
As much as life seemed painful and unfair, Joseph was never alone nor forsaken, and God was still active in His life. In fact, God was using all of the events in Joseph’s life to accomplish a great work. The perceived detours were part of God’s plan the whole time.
- If Joseph had never been sold into slavery, he never would have worked at Potiphar’s house.
- If Joseph had never worked at Potiphar’s house, he never would have ended up in prison.
- If Joseph had never ended up in prison, he never would have interpreted the dreams of the baker and cupbearer.
- If Joseph had never interpreted the cupbearer’s dream, he never would have been asked to interpret Pharaoh’s dream.
- If Joseph had never interpreted Pharaoh’s dream, he never would have been made second in command of all of Egypt.
- If Joseph had never been made second in command of all of Egypt, he wouldn’t have been able to save his entire family (and thousands of others) from starvation.
- And if Joseph had never saved his family, he and his brothers would have never become the nation of Israel, from which we got our savior, Jesus Christ.
All of this happened because Joseph life went in the “wrong” direction.
There are different reasons why our lives may seem to go in the wrong direction. Maybe:
…it’s a matter of timing and waiting for circumstances to line up?
…God is trying to nurture something in us like patience or perseverance?
…we are striving for one thing, but God wants to give us something else?
…we will just never know.
For me, I had to align my will with God’s before I could go any further. He loves you too much to push you forward, even in the right direction, if your will is not aligned with His. Trying to move forward while you are at cross-purposes to God will leave you cross-threaded, ill-fitted, and stuck.
He wants better than that for you.
If you find that your will is not the same as God’s, or that you’ve made something an idol (it has become more important than God in your life), I want you to know you can trust Him with it. Talk to Him about it – tell Him all your worries and fears and share every bit of your heart with Him. He already knows, but He wants to hear your heart and talk to you about it.
He wants to share His heart about this with you too. You might be surprised by His take on the whole thing. Keep talking, keep listening, and then keep moving closer to God.
And then lay this precious thing – this thing that all your hopes and dreams are riding on, this thing that feels like your literal heart, this thing that will completely unravel you if it breaks – in His loving hands and trust Him with it.
When Jesus died on the cross, it says in 1 Peter 2:23 that He entrusted Himself to Him who judges fairly. If Jesus learned that He could trust His Father with His whole life, we can too.
As you wrestle with this, talk to Jesus about it. He knows firsthand how grueling it is to lay down your will and take up God’s. It’s not natural; we have to learn it – even Jesus had to learn it.
In the garden of Gethsemane, the night before Jesus was killed, He said ““My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matt 26:39 NLT). If Jesus and God had the same will at that moment, Jesus would have said “Let our will be done”. The truth is, it wasn’t Jesus’ will to die.
Jesus is a great role model for how to lay down your will. He was honest with God about how He felt and asked for what He wanted. And after pouring out His heart to His loving Father, He laid down His will and agreed to His Father’s plan. He did it out of love for us and obedience to His Father.
And thank God He did.
He suffered, but then He defeated sin and death, rose again, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father with all of the Father’s power and authority. As agonizing as it was, God’s plan really was the best plan and Jesus never expressed a word of regret about it afterward.
What would our lives be like today if Jesus never laid down His will?
After you have talked it over with God, I encourage you to take that first step of trust, open your clenched fists, and place that precious thing in His hands.
And then keep your hands open.
God never leaves you empty handed. He loves you more than you’ll ever know, He knows your future, and He wants to give you His very best, and doesn’t want you to settle for anything less. He gives you His best in return for that thing you’ve entrusted to him. But you can only receive what He has for you if your hands are open and empty.
Learning how to lay down your will can be insanely hard.
But it’s absolutely possible, and it’s absolutely worth it. And it’s only then that God can move you forward.